She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
