Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Randomize
