Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
