That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Randomize
