Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
