My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
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