Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize