He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Randomize
