oh god the rape fog is back!
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
