I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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