I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
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