Where did you get a picture of my penis
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
i dont even know how to be here
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
