I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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