If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Randomize
