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• (405): View more from Oklahoma

  Yeah, i think she was German or something.

  (1-405): View more from Oklahoma

  No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.

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• (505): View more from New Mexico

  I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.

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• (603): View more from New Hampshire

  Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair

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• (210): View more from Texas

  when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"

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• (210): View more from Texas

  If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night

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• (919): View more from North Carolina

  OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO

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• (410): View more from Maryland

  Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong

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• (931): View more from Tennessee

  Playing nyquil pong with a cat again

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• (307): View more from Wyoming

  I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.

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• (202): View more from Washington, DC

  Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.

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• (320): View more from Minnesota

  I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."

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• (469): View more from Texas

  Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee

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• (815): View more from Illinois

  I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend

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• (705): View more from Ontario

  Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..

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• (361): View more from Texas

  WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES

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