I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize
