Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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