VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
