Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Randomize
