Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
