My brain says no but my pants say off.
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
