I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize