so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
