Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
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