Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
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