I wish I could punch you in the face.
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
