my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Randomize