last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
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