Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
