i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Randomize
