I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Randomize
