I hope mine doesn't look like that
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Randomize
