We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
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