She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
