Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
