no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
