Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
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