Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
