Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Randomize
