I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
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