woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
