My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Randomize