If that was your dad, he is hot
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
