Umm I'm too high to move.
Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Randomize
