allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Randomize
