Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
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