Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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