Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
