Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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