the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Randomize