If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
