My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
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