this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
