i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
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