well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
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