i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
