...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
Randomize
