When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
Randomize
