So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Randomize
