she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
