i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
of course. lets lasso hookers.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
