we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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