I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
