this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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