Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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