Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
