I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Randomize
