It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Randomize
