I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
Randomize
