Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
