Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
