genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
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