I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize
