I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
