whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Randomize
