I'm pants shitting drunk right now
it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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