My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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