Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Randomize
