if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
