I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
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