i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Randomize
