I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
