Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Randomize
