I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
