my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
