Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
so much tequila, so little girl.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
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