I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
only if we run a train.
done.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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