I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
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