Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Randomize
