Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
I swear she didn't look like that last week.
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Randomize
