Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
